Within the course of a day, I encounter clients that are enduring extreme difficulties and frankly desperate situations. My clients often amaze me as they appear to have some skills to be able to handle these stressful circumstances, even though they don’t seem to realize their current resourcefulness. Their vision is sometimes clouded, to see that they do have some degree of workable coping mechanisms. One of the first ways I work with clients is to name and discuss how the client is utilizing a particular skill or mechanism in their daily lives. We check to see if this is truly a positive one or perhaps not; such as the person who feels they might need to drink more alcohol than usual, to lower anxiety or depression.
What I feel is most important, in expanding a person’s capacity to lower their stress levels, is to realize that there is no magic pill. Often said, but true. One may be prescribed a tranquilizer or other anti-anxiety medication. This may be a very important part of the way in which that individual is able to cope with higher levels of stress. However, many of these medications are meant for short-term use or for those moments when you’re in an accelerated state of mind. Everyone needs elemental methods for controlling their vital signs; heart rate, blood pressure, level of nervous system stimulation, ones other than ingested chemicals.
So, how is it possible, to stand steady with the “fires blazing” around you? How do you keep your faith, that what you are trying to tolerate will be aided by natural methods of relaxation? I would point to a historical viewpoint. Most every great man or woman who has had a life of many tests, sometimes to the point of unendurable pain and suffering. These people have had a personal philosophy of how to endure suffering. This philosophy may take many forms, but it is there. This attention to historical figures may be one method of inspiration if you are looking for new skills of calming yourself.
In my practice, I combine several methods of relaxation, meditation, CBT, and DBT, depending on whom I am working with and their current state of willingness. Outside of the session, I ask clients to discover other healing practices, such as tai chi, yoga, mediation classes, belly dance, learning to play an instrument, allowing one’s self a vacation, perhaps trying something never attempted before.
The most essential aspect of learning to cope with stress, is to be in as much contact with your breath as possible. This entails feeling the air expand your lungs, your belly slightly swells. You release the air slowly, allowing the lungs to collaspe and the belly to ease. You feel the minute pauses between breaths. This practice will ground you immediately and will continue to do so as long as you can continue to come back to this practice.
Try this for 5-10 minutes while doing something stressful then begin to build up the time slowly. You will find that as this becomes more of a natural set of bodily responses, you will not need to focus as intently. In time, you will find you are doing this type of relaxed breathing automatically. When particular moments become more stressful, return to focusing on the breath and you will be amazed how you are able to handle the increased stress level.
Finally, I find inspiration to be a foundation of remaining steady when all arrows point to mayhem. Here’s a quote from Pema Chodran:
“Not acting on our habitual patterns is only the first step toward not harming others or ourselves.
The transformative process begins at a deeper level when we contact the rawness we’re left with whenever we refrain—— We allow ourselves to wait, to sit patiently with the urge to act or speak in our usual ways and feel the full force of that urge without turning away or giving in.”
If you would like to consider making an appointment with me for further work with anxiety and handling stress levels, please email me at rkanetherapy.com. I’d like to hear from you.
